I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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