Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
