So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Welp...herpes.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
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