She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
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