Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
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Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
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You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
There are leaves in my underwear?
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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