So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
