Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
I checked into jail on foursquare
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
