just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
