He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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