My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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