Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
