Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
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