she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
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