So drunk its hurt
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
