So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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