Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
