theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
either way he was missing a nipple.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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