We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she peed on how many people?
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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