plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
I party with great urgency now.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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