The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Randomize
