Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
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