My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I enjoy the company of your penis
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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