I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
