Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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