i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
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