yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
