Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
