I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
