I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
