Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
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