I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
