I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
