to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
