i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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