so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I have tasted many bathrooms
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Randomize
