there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
