In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Randomize
