go do what you do best...puke behind churches
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
well you can't waste a boner
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
I am available for nakedness
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Randomize
