i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Randomize
