you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Randomize
