I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
How external is "for external use only"?
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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