All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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