Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
