That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
