He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
I enjoy the company of your penis
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