I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
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