What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
im on a boat
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