you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
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