I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
