omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
