Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
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