Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
