Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Randomize
