i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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