Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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