Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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