I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Randomize