A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
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