I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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