So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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