every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
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