before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
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Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
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Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah