Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
21 People Tragically Stumbled Upon A Dead Body
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
27 Socially Expected Things That Are The Absolute Worst
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.