who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
31 Times Kim Kardashian Showed Her Love For Balmain
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
19 Tricks To Help You Join The Mile High Club
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing