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• (775): View more from Nevada

  before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.

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• (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed

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• (315): View more from New York

  you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.

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• (256): View more from Alabama

  do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!

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  These 23 People Share the Worst Advice They’ve Been Given

  Read it at the TFLN blog
  

• (540): View more from Virginia

  Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone

  (1-540): View more from Virginia

  I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her

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• (317): View more from Indiana

  Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.

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• (931): View more from Tennessee

  Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.

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• (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song

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• (716): View more from New York

  I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.

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  The 33 Worst Things Men Have Said While Hitting On Women

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• (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  Is cat milk safe for human consumption?

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• (403): View more from Alberta, CA

  I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?

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• (275): View more from

  And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story

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• (510): View more from California

  I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.

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• (978): View more from Massachusetts

  Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located

  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  Importance

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• (703): View more from Virginia

  If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah

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