17 year olds will be the death of me.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake