please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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