i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Randomize
