I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Randomize
