so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I got inside last night via doggy door
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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