why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
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