it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
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