i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
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