Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
