Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Someone shattered a urinal.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Randomize
