We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
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