You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
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