Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
