I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
