My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
The feeling are messing with the penis
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize