at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
