Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
