So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
