Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
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