Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
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