well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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