I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Randomize
